So Tired.

I have mentioned chemo fatigue once or twice in this blog, I may even have stupidly promised to try to describe what it is like. Well here goes.
Most chemo patients will experience fatigue and lethargy in the weeks and months after their treatment, a few, such as myself, are prone to getting a few days of extremely heavy fatigue. In many ways this type of fatigue is the hardest thing I have to cope with during the course of my treatment, even though it only lasts a few days before dropping away to the 'normal' chemo fatigue.
These extreme events occur  soon after the chemo finishes as my body desperately grabs the resources (mostly protein) it needs from wherever it can to rebuild my immune system. Trouble is, it's needs are so high that it inspite of being fed a high protein diet it is still almost impossible to eat enough to feed the machine, especially when your stomach is doing circus tricks. In response to the deficit my body starts raiding itself to get what it needs, my body is literally robbing Peter, not to pay Paul, but to pay Peter. Bugger Paul.
One of the biggest available stores of protein is in the muscle, so that's what gets consumed by the body in it's search for resources, which is why extreme fatigue events coincide with weight loss and why I feel so damn weak and soooooo damn tired.

The hardest thing about the fatigue is that there is simply no relief from it and the world collapses into a very small existence where it becomes a battle to meet my most basic needs, i.e:
Bladder: Hi brain, I think need to pee in the next hour and a half, so lets start working on this now.
Brain: zzzzz
Bladder: zzzz
Body: zzzzz
Brain: (20 minutes later): zzz-wha? zz whazzat? Hey body, wake up I think you need to pee.
Body: zzzz
Brain (30 minutes latter): Yep you definitely need to pee, WAKEY WAKEY BODY.
Bladder: Come on Brain, I told you to start getting body ready ages ago!
Brain: How come I have to do all the work? Body, wake up!
Body: zzz
Brain: Body? Helloooo, anybody there? We gotta wee.
Body (20 minutes later): zzz-wha? Right, got it but how come I have to do all the work?
Brain: Right everyone, lets think this through so we get the job done.
Everyone else: ...(silence)...
Brain: sigh
Bladder: groan
Brain: Ok, left leg,are you awake...?
Left leg: zzz
Body: zzz
Brain zzz
Bladder: GAH!!!!
Nurse: Peter, wake up, Peter? It's time for your 2am Obs and blood test.
Everybody: AH CRAP!

And so it goes through the fog of half sleep until, in the end we just make it.

In other words, the little things, plus sleep become all consuming, there is no room or energy for any of the 'distractions' that help me get through the day and through the days, I don't have the concentration available to read, write, hold a conversation, browse the interwebs, respond to emails, write this drivel or even just let my mind wander at the wonder of the universe (one of my favourite pastimes). Hell, even the lamest and least challenging of tv is out of the question, but then, it was always going to be anyway, so no great loss there. God tv sucks. For a few days life becomes all about hospital and the illness, thankfully it only lasts a few days each cycle.
Cheers, Pete