I made the paper!!

From todays Age

Phonecalls from the Age to the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre today have confirmed some surprising
information. This paper learnt that the hospital was in shock after patient H gave himself an injection.
Nurses at the scene were heard to utter 'about $%*#% time', or words to that effect, others fainted in shock.
Circumstances surrounding the event are becoming clearer, famed chemo specialist Dr F. Arkin-Weedkiller
uttered "he only did it after being threatened". Urologist Dr Seymour Weiner, whilst holding a bag of nuts,
said "sometimes it is our woosiest patients that surprise us the most". The doctor closet to the event was
Howard Hertz, he describes the incident and the key exchange between Nurse and Patient below:
"It appears the catalyst for this remarkable event were words uttered by the famous Nurse Ratched,
of One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest fame, we bought her out of retirement just to look after Patient H.
Nurse Ratched: "If Mr. H doesn't want to inject his medication, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it
some other way. But I don't think that he would like it."
Patient H replied: "Gimme the damn needle!"
Events continue to unfold, the Age believes that Patient H's haste to give himself the injection after the terse
threat from Nurse Ratched led to his first attempted jab just bouncing off his now rubbery skin, this
event led to merest hint of a smirk appearing on nurse Ratcheds face, his next attempt is said to have been
rated as more successful.

Pretty amazing work by the Age, if you read the words formed by the first letter of each line of the article then they have really captured how I feel... (hope this works on everyones device, otherwise you will just get gobbledygook).
And for those of you who have not seen it I reckon the film One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest is worth a look.
Cheers, Pete.